Love these little darlings

I think my boys are the most adorable darlings in the whole wide world! Yes, I’m probably biased ;)

Wondering where he was on one of our recent brunch outings

Wondering where he was on one of our recent brunch outings

Enjoying some mini raisin pancakes for tea!

Enjoying some mini raisin pancakes for tea!

We managed a little date out on our own to the airport last week. It was my first time to T1 in a really looong time, and boy, has it changed! The kinetic raindrops were mesmerizing, to say the least. Canopy was a blast! But my favourite moment was watching David engrossed in drawing (planes? people? random shapes?) while his brother just chilled next to him.

Following his kor kor's lead...

Following his kor kor’s lead…

Just watching the world go by

Just watching the world go by

 

 

 

Tough love

Recently, we’ve had quite a few meltdowns. Mostly David, and, a couple of times, me. Every day brings some challenge, it seems. Sometimes he refuses to eat his lunch or to use the potty. Some afternoons he takes forever to fall asleep for his nap. Some days he is just grumpy and easily frustrated by the littlest thing. Many days, he ignores my pleas to “Shhh… be quiet because didi is asleep” and sings at the top of his lungs or bangs a door, waking up poor little D prematurely from his nap.

Today and yesterday, he woke up from his afternoon nap screaming and couldn’t be pacified or calmed down until he’d literally cried and kicked whatever it was out of his system. All I could do is be with him and try to understand, and try to help him express whatever was going on inside.

As it is, David is fairly vocal and linguistic, so he’s always been quite expressive about what he is thinking. But as he comes more and more in touch with all the emotions that rage through him these days, we are seeing that it’s definitely a struggle for him to express his feelings, as with most toddlers his age. The emotions really overwhelm him, consume him, and sometimes me in the process, as I struggle to keep my cool and stay calm and level-headed.

In moments like these, I am so thankful to God for the grace and patience to respond with love and strength. I have to be stronger than him; I cannot give in to my own emotions raging within me, I have to help him process his. I don’t want to hit or yell in anger, because what’s done cannot be undone, and both my hubby and I are convicted that this is not how we want to discipline our children.

These days, I avoid smacking, because we truly feel it does him no good. He may not be a 100% “Spirited” child, but he is extremely persistent and intense, and the threat or act of physical punishment has little or no effect on him. Conversely, it can make things even worse!

Besides, that’s not how I want my child to learn obedience and proper behavior. There is/will be a time and a place for the cane in future, but now is not the time. Now, he is a small person struggling to express himself and his emotions. Now, he is a little boy who doesn’t understand why adults make the rules they do. Now, he is not out to ‘get’ me; he has a very good reason for everything he is doing, even though I might not agree with it. Now he needs his freedom, to explore, take risks and set boundaries. Now, he doesn’t need me to show him how it “should” be done, he needs to test out his ideas for himself. Now, he needs a coach, not a drill sergeant. Now, he needs to feel safe and secure, not ashamed, inadequate or condemned.

Now, he doesn’t need me to ‘act tough’. He needs me to be strong enough to share with him how I feel, and what I’d like him to do, and then to be strong enough to let him decide which way he will choose and follow through on the consequences of each decision. He needs me to keep a heart of compassion and empathy for everything little struggle he faces, without losing it to cynicism, anger or resentment. He needs me to love him – all of him – right where he is now; with the hope and expectation of all that he can be, balanced with the acceptance and embracing for all that he is today.

Parenting IS tough love.

 

PS. Thankfully he is a delightful little chap most of his waking hours most days. He still charms the socks off us every day! We are learning how to be parents just as much as he is learning how to be our son. All part of the journey ;)

In the blink of an eye…

February has come and gone. Where did the time go?? Terrible procrastinator that I can be, I’ve gone and neglected this poor space for so long – too long. Hopefully, I’m back!

Here’s a little bit of what my world is like at the moment…

We have the best car rides in the world these days. David fills our journeys with songs, stories and random comments that just make us smile and laugh and whip out our phones to capture the moment.

Intently perusing his CNY lapbook on the long car rides

Intently perusing his CNY lapbook on the long car rides

We love it when this happens! Zzzz....

We love it when this happens! Zzzz….

The boys have begun playing companionably, side by side. Occasionally, David even lets didi ‘eat’ his blocks while he is building some new creation. Such a long way they have come from a few weeks ago when all David would say was “Mine!” and snatch his toy away from poor didi. I’m so proud of my big boy – he’s still got a ways to go, and still snatches on occasion, but he’s learning to share and care for his little brother more and more…

Side by side, each doing his own thing

Side by side, each doing his own thing

Tomica together

Tomica together

Little chefs at work

Little chefs at work

Reading Dr Seuss' Green Eggs and Ham...

Reading Dr Seuss’ Green Eggs and Ham…

Watching how kor kor holds his own bottle of milk!

Watching how kor kor holds his own bottle of milk!

Daryl’s smiles light up all our lives. No moment can be too tense for that smile to diffuse. His night sleep is presently quite terrible, but I’ve found that the best antidote for the 2, 3, 4am wake-up calls is to cradle him till he’s calm and smile at him – and he will 100% chop guarantee smile back, and suddenly I have the energy to try to pat him to sleep another 10min. Truly, a beautiful, magical smile, this little one has. :)

Happy cruiser about the house!

Happy cruiser about the house!

 

Content under kor kor's chair while we eat...

Content under kor kor’s chair while we eat…

 

Spuddie & me! :)

Spuddie & me! :)

And lastly… after several visits and a lot of late night discussions, we have (finally) decided on a kindy for David to go to next year! Excited by the prospect, but also know that there will be a period of separation anxiety – for both him and me! – and lots of adjustments to be made… it feels like the ending of an era.

Hope to be back soon!!

Homemade goodies

This year, I have a sort-of resolution to make all our own CNY goodies! Well, except pineapple tarts, which I’ve made before – waaaay too much work. On my to-do list: almond cookies, choc chip cookies, prawn rolls and bak kwa! Am currently trawling the web for recipes…

Attempted this bak kwa for the first time tonight, after the boys were in bed. Not bad, not bad at all! Next time round, I’ll shorten the oven time a bit. Using my Happy Call to grill the meat was a wonderful time saver – grilling time and clean-up time! And the hubby agrees that it tastes yum :)

Baked meat going for a grilling...

The finished product!

I made it with just a tad less sugar and without food colouring. Shall try replacing with brown sugar next try! And maybe do a spicy mix one with cayenne pepper?

If you have any lovely recipes to recommend, please do send it my way! ;)

Dear Daryl #4

Happy six months!

Darling Daryl,

It pains us to see you in so much discomfort with your phlegm, as you have been for most of the past week – coughing and waking yourself up, day and night, and needing to be carried to sleep so that you can breathe better. Thankfully the worst seems to be behind us now, but there are still the daily nebulizing sessions that you hate but you need. :(

I hate that contraption – I know you do too – but oh well, it does help you heaps, and we all sleep easier knowing your airways aren’t clogged up. You cry and thrash about so much sometimes, and other times, we manage to keep you calm by distracting you with your favourite toy or singing to you animatedly. It hurts us to see you wail, but it’ll all be ok soon, sweetie, and then no more nebby-time, ok?

You have been such a brave, brave boy. We love you so!! XOXO 

Amidst all that, you still flash us that beautiful, beaming smile. You are such a happy little fella – your joy overflows into our hearts and keeps us grateful and happy no matter how the night or day has been. Just like your kor kor – both of you cheer us up no end, and every day I remember to be so, so thankful for that. Never lose that joy!

And you’ve been busy on the mattress too… about two weeks ago, you started crawling backwards, and today, you took your first few crawls forward! :D Wow. And then you continued going backwards (haha!)… you are learning so quickly! I am so proud and happy for you one the one hand, but there’s also a twinge (ok more than a twinge) of sadness that you are growing up so fast. Before we know it, you won’t be a little baby anymore, and that truth is bitterweet on so many levels.

So while we can, we will treasure every moment with you and your kor kor, and each other. Toys will not last, movies will be forgotten, books will be cast aside for new ones, photographs will (eventually) fade (or hard discs will corrode), but relationships – the love, trust, grace, honesty and authenticity experienced – these will endure.

Happy six months to our little Spuddie. Please get completely well soon… Enjoying every second with you :)

love, Mummy

Hello 2013

There’s just no catching up to all the posts I composed in my head but never typed out. Ah well… Blessed Christmas and Happy New Year to all of you! And I hope you had a warm fuzzy one, lots of good food and laughter, and gifts from the heart. And bucketloads of love…

I can’t even begin to type my thoughts and feelings on the recent India gang rape, so I won’t try. It overwhelms me, actually, whenever I think about it. So. Moving on…

We’ve taken down the lovely Christmas decor, except for our tree which we are going to get to this weekend. The Christmas cards we received from loved ones far and near are up on our wall, to remind us of how lavishly we have been blessed and loved. The gifts have been opened (to lots of “Wow!”s by David), sorted (play now, play later) and stowed (give away hee hee). Our Christmas memories are preserved in a mini album, a couple of simple layouts and something for the wall.

Homestyle Christmas Eve family dinnerOur Christmas memories...

My most precious Christmas gift this year came from the hubby, who took much pain and trouble to plan a sweet surprise for me, with David as accomplice! Every morning, when I see my sparkling new, mandarin orange, beautiful and glossy Kitchen Aid on my counter top, I smile. Baking is so much neater now, as the amazing bowl somehow keeps everything in – I used to have much splattering to clean every time I did creaming. And I can seriously get mesmerized just gazing at the cool mixing attachment whirling round and round in the bowl… :) *bliss*

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2012 was a memorable year for so many different reasons. But the two top ones would have to be #1 The arrival of Daryl to join our little family and #2 David learning to talk. Daryl is just the sweetest, most joyful, spuddiest baby that ever was (ok, I’m biased), and David’s chatter amuses us all the time and lightens up the most stressful situations. I feel so humbled to be given the immense honour and joy of mothering these two young lives, and to be so cherished, understood and supported by the most wonderful man.

IMG_4130IMG_4268

2013 started too quickly for me. It felt too fast – suddenly Christmas was over and it was the last night of the year, and now the kids are back in school?!?!

This year, I want to continue to cherish every memory, engage fully in every experience, take many steps of faith, trust Him more every day and build beautiful friendships. As we look to the future, and reflect on the past, I want to intentionally ENJOY the present – and not be overly preoccupied with taking a picture to capture the moments.

David will be starting on training pants soon, and I pray fervently that he will not have too many poo accidents in them! And this year, I am starting a more structured home-learning system with him. We started on the alphabet today, and he had a blast colouring an alligator (A is for alligator).

Daryl is starting solids next week! My baby boy is already crawling, and he’s not even 6 months yet!! We’re so thankful that both he and David have fully recovered from a nasty flu bug that hit them just before Christmas.

As we look ahead to the year that stretches before us, and plan, and hope, and dream, and purpose, I’m reminded of this verse and would like to share it with you:

In his heart a man plans his course,

but the Lord determines his steps.

- Proverbs 16:9

How are You feeling?

(This is a terribly long post, but I’d be honoured if you’d let me share my honest thoughts with you…)

The terrible shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School cast a shadow of deep dark gloom and sadness over much of the world this weekend. It was horrific, this heart-wrenching and devastating event. It was so, so cruel, the taking of so many innocent lives – both children and adults – just like that. Two minutes was all it took to create a big gaping hole in the hearts of so many loved ones, who have lost their beloved parent, child, brother, sister, friend… the pain and anguish is almost unthinkable, and I wept to imagine the searing loss, as I kissed David repeatedly when he woke up, and then again cradling little Daryl to sleep that night. I know I was/am not alone.

Like so many of you, I ask “Why, God, why?” especially when I think about the children, departing this earth at such a young age. And I mourn the loss of these precious lives who will never learn to drive, never graduate, never walk down the aisle, never travel the world. So many lost opportunities; so many unmade memories. How on earth do their parents cope, I wonder. And I feel, shamefully, unspeakably, thankful that I am here, and not there. Miles away from the carnage and pain. But the heart still connects, across the globe, and so we feel for our brothers and sisters who are there, whose hearts are shattered into a million pieces by their great, great loss.

Even with this weighing on my heart, I had too busy a weekend to stay down. We had a Christmas party for friends on Saturday, and a long day at church plus Christmas shopping on Sunday. Hardly any time to think or wallow in grief, and for someone like me, I can very easily compartmentalize. So it wasn’t until late last night that I really stopped to think deeply, and allow God to converse with me on this whole aftermath, and put my emotions into shape.

During the worship service in the morning, the leader shared his personal grief about the shooting. And, like many of you, I have been reading articles online from all sources, and various blog posts by both friends and strangers, and almost nobody, it seems, is untouched by this tragedy. And I don’t think we should be.

But then it occurred to me, and I knew I must share this on my blog. Even though it may offend some readers, or seem an unfair comparison. The thing is… massacres like the shooting on 14 December 2012 happen every. single. day. And we don’t notice it or think about it. But when something like this happens, and the media spews it out around the globe, it becomes all we talk of for days.

We (myself included) post comments about how we treasure our kids more, how anti-gun laws should be a no-brainer, how homeschooling is the way to go, how the world is going to pieces etc, we imagine the scenario and weep with empathy and sympathy. We ask each other, how do you feel? Or conversely avoid the topic altogether.

And then, a few days or weeks down the road, we move on. We forget. Life goes back to ‘normal’.

But then I remember – this massacre, this sudden and brutal snuffing out of life – this IS normal. ‘Normal’ in the sense that it happens every. single. day. We just don’t think about it the same way.

I don’t mean to make light of the shooting. Never my intention. It was a cruel tragedy and every single one of the victims deserves to be remembered. Every family affected deserves and needs our tears and prayers and encouragement. I just want to add another perspective to it.

Every day, millions of children and adults suffer the horrible act of rape or sexual abuse. Thousands are sold to brothels against their will, or give their bodies and souls up out of desperation, with nowhere else to turn. Whole communities are stripped of all human dignity, and forced to live like animals, with physical death their better option.

Hearts are torn apart and hope is scooped out, until there is nothing left. Homes are ravaged and destroyed, often for no real reason at all. Bodies are dumped, burned, decapitated, buried. Their lives, too, are erased in an instant, but no one knows, and if we’re honest, many of us can’t bear to know and allow ourselves to care.

Young children, so young your heart breaks for them again and again, are forced to lives their whole lives for another. They have never known, and may never know, what it feels like to be loved. Their bodies lie in ditches and huts, forests and rivers. Their blood soaks the earth, but no one hears their cry. They were innocent too, just like the dear ones who were killed on 14 December.

Mothers and fathers who shielded their young and were abused or killed in the process – they are just as heroic and deserving of praise and ‘likes’ on FB as the teachers who bravely gave their lives for their students.

All I’m saying, I guess, is that we shouldn’t allow the Sandy Hook shooting to become the ‘latest news’ or see it as something extraordinarily tragic, but recognize that tragedies like these are happening around the world all the time. Let’s not just ‘move on’ from here, but let’s continue to pray and ache and intercede for the many more tragedies that take place that the media doesn’t tell us about. And how could they, anyway, there are too, too many.

One last thought, but it was an important revelation to me. If, like me, you believe that God loves every single one of us, and created every one to be a part of his family, how do you think HE feels when he sees brother turn on brother, sister against sister, ripping their very flesh and spirits apart? If we lost sleep over a tear-filled night, how about HIM who sees it all, day and night, and weeps over a world which is blind to His love?

Does God care? Of course He does! He is our Father. But like any parent on earth, like you and me, what can He do? If our children are errant and rebel, what can we do? It’s their choice to make, their life to lead, once they are of age. The most, which we can do, is to institutionalize them. And some have done that. But still, that’s after they have committed a crime of some nature as proof of their need for such a confinement, yes?

So what do we want God to do to these perpetrators of violence? Sometimes I secretly hope He would just strike them dead. Or thwart all their plans. Or just kill them at birth. That only people who are good and nice and kind would ever be born, would ever survive to live on this earth. 

But then I remember, there is no one righteous – not one. Even the best and nicest and kindest person is flawed. And somehow, that sin would taint the good, nice, kind world. And we wouldn’t be that way, anymore. It’s virtually impossible. Such a community just cannot exist, in this lifetime, on this earth.

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. – Romans 3:23

So instead of asking “God, why?”, here’s what I have to say:

God, how do You feel? Oh God, how could You bear it to see all these things happen? How can you sit there and let it be? Oh God, I see it now, how Your heart breaks and weeps and splinters from the pain. How your grief is immeasurable compared to ours. Your sorrow, God, it would break us, completely. We can never know, never fathom the depth, and height, and breadth and length of your pain. We can never understand Your loss. We cannot begin to know Your thoughts, Your plans, Your longings. 

And yet, Lord, You choose to love us, even in Your pain. Even though You see every single flaw in every single person, You still love us. Thank You, Jesus. Thank You because I know I could never be capable of this kind of love.

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?

As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”l

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:35-39